September 2nd, 2025 - same as always

Only thinking about him. He said he wanted to be a good friend to me and maybe that's why he still talks to me. You know how that sounds? That he's got this inner need to be a good person or that he feels bad for how things turned out and that's why he talks to me. But that doesn't mean he enjoys talking to me at all. It's all fake. And I know I'm doing this to myself. I'm deluding myself but I can't keep going unless i do this. It hurts too much when I'm reminded that yeah, I don't matter anymore. There's nothing left to say. It feels like too much work just logging in and typing the same things again and again and again. I just want things to go back to how they were.