July 4th, 2025 - Back 2 back
Hello I'm back again to mope about my ex. In a few days it will have been a whole year since we broke up and I just feel awful. I think about it so much. I've been keeping it together though. When they talk to me I don't even act like a degen! My obsessions stay in my head. I've given them too much work already. If I somehow find out they're with someone else I think I'd jump off a cliff...just thinking I'm not even their best friend anymore makes my skin crawl with rage and sadness. But you know, it will happen eventually I know it will! What will I do then?
Maybe being back at my parent's doesn't help either. I've just been playing baldur's gate and (sometimes) drawing literally all day. I've also been lacking appetite. I don't know, I don't feel good. I wish they'd love me back. But then what, I know I wouldn't be happy if we got back together anyway. I think there's no coming back from certain things, I really feel like a different person. But I can talk about other things too,look:
I've been planning things for that one rpgmaker game I wanted to make. I also worked on a few things for another game I'm working on with some friends. But I got my hands full of commissions right now, so when I draw, It's for that. I know I could finish them faster if I STOPPED PLAYING BALDUR'S GATE FOR 3 SECONDS but I need that serotonin so bad. I got gifted House Flipper by a friend too, thank you so much. I played a little bit. I wanted to buy Date Everything but It'd a bit pricey for me right now and I feel like I need to save money. I wanted to have enough cash to build a pc because I've been depending on my brother's laptop or on the computers in campus to do stuff.I like my curent laptop but It doesn't run editing programs properly and I can see it's reaching its limit. It would be cheaper to build a pc than to buy a really good laptop, but I'm not sure how long I'll be living at my studio apartment for, i really don't know what will happen there. I wanted to move in with a friend because that would be so much cheaper. But I think I would be a bad roommate. I haven't been very patient when it comes to other people's peculiarities and I'm a bossy pain in the ass. I like my studio apartment, which I've nicknamed "my little egg", despite it being like ~20m². But it's too expensive and there's no way I could continue living there after graduating. So moving a whole computer set up between states for 12 hours sounds very difficult, if not unattainable. I don't know! I'm done writing. bye!