April 18th, 2025 - Golgotha

Dreamed about my ex again. Get out of my headd I'm trying to sleep...
At my parent's house I can't cry out loud. Suck it up you wimp.
These dreams are so vivid. I feel like I'm back to day 1. Begging, begging, begging...keep thinking, "If I do this, things will definetly change." " If I do that, they'll want me back." "This time, If I just do this..." All for a reaction that I don't even know If I can handle. Nothing changes, of course...they moved on, I'm just some rando now. Way before I knew it was over I could tell they just didn't have the patience for me anymore. Even if they did take me back, i don't think I could ever trust it to be true. You used to love me too. What happened? Won't I ever accept that? I hate who I've become...I used to be so cheerful. This ruined me for sure. I don't wanna keep going.
To act as if I'm any different than the rest...pick me! I'm different than all the rest....
To act as if you care.
To act as if!

>the new sound by Georgie Greep.
What if I send myself to a psych ward during winter break? No...family will flip out. I'm really gonna go crazy. I used to think people like me were sick and scary! They'll send me back to therapy...
I spent all afternoon working on the neocities website. It's coming together nicely! I wanted to eat sushi today, but you know those memes about christians and it's like "time to fast..." and there's this huge banquet in front of them? That's literally how I feel right now. I'm not supposed to treat myself to sushi ffs. Buh, but....I can't afford to eat sushi in the big city!! I need to seize this opportunity....I just need to find a victim that will get on board with my idea. I'm done working on the website for today. I'll play Baldur's Gate.
Walked some dawgs today.