April 20th, 2025 - Departure

Another dream about the one who shall not be named. Am I living through dreams and fantasies? This is bad. I'm starting to think it was a bad idea to make this website public. I feel ashamed. I know some of my friends have seen it. I don't know how to be vulnerable in any other way than to vomit my problems out for people to see. But when people actually do see it....it's shameful. I'm so full of paradoxes. Do I want or do I not want to be seen?
Oh! I also dreamed about the new Panty and Stocking season. I remember not being impressed by how it looked, except for the backgrounds and color direction. I really hope it's amazing, my expectations are at an all-time high. I saw the teaser trailer and got pretty hyped...I could ramble for a good while about the new characters and how I think they're cool and I think they'll play an interesting role in the plot. I hope to see more Brief screen-time.....and the new transformation sequences, of course! Ohhh I'm quite excited.
I will miss playing Bladur's Gate. That's basically all I did today. They made the experience so fun to play as a drow. Then I took a 30 minute nap. When I woke up, I had to go make some sweets for my friend's birthday, since it's tomorrow. i have no space for elaborate cooking back at my studio apartment so I decided to make it here at my parent's house and take it alllll the way with me during the 12 hour trip. I used cocoa powder instead of powdered chocolate, which makes for a richer flavor. When i get home tomorrow I'll just make it look presentable and bring it to the celebration. It will be a picnic. I hope I can be in tip-top shape to see my friends again, i don't want them to think I'm having a bad time. Today objectively felt like a monday.
I also sat in front of the piano for a while and learned to play sweden, from the minecraft soundtrack. Back at my campus there is an old piano in the food court. Sometimes I play. They have a music room too but the keyboard they have there is awful so I'd much rather play the old piano even though it's in public. I can't just keep playing the baldur's gate 3 theme or touhou songs everytime though, people will get annoyed. Everyone likes minecraft right? It will be a nice surprise. I used to play in recitals but I'd get SO scared of making a mistake that my hands started shaking involuntarily and it would get in the way of the performance. I had to stop....It's easier when nobody expects you to play well.
It's almost time for my bus so I have to gather my things. I'll also bring a pillow because the ones I have at my place are sooooo rigid and terrible to sleep with. I'll also shower since I won't be home until the next day. I could draw while I'm in the bus but I tend to get sick...I'll probably sleep throughout the trip-really badly too. The seats are not very comfortable to sleep in. Hurts my butt. I'll end up having to skip dinner, but I don't mind. I have a lot of work to do once I get home so I need to get back into the productive mindset. As dear Rutile would say, "Rigorous, meaningful work is the best medicine against questioning one's place in the world."