April 24th, 2025 - Fumble
Today I skipped breakfast and survived. That means I can skip breafast everyday and survive.
I saw a very angry possum inside a trash can. It looked stuck but someone took it out eventually. I sent a pic to my mom and she said it looked fat haha.
Class went fine. We watched an animated short called "Wednesday with Goddard" and I was absolutely enthralled! I heavily recommend it. Visually stunning and very fun and also meaningful somehow. I hope that someday I can make something beautiful like this. We have to make a video essay for class so I rewatched some Jacob Geller videos with my friend.
Passed by the market again but this time I had my own bag. I bought lettuce, tomatoes, potatoes and eggs. When I got home I wanted to work but I lied down and ended up sleeping. I set an alarm but I just turned it off. Ah, I shared my artfight account with some friends in class and that means that my online presence and irl are merging into a single thing. This is kinda scary and I might just regret it soon. I feel a little paranoid about the things I post now. I was doing a really good job keeping these aspects of my life separated until now. It's a little freeing to not have to hide anything but also I feel exposed. I don't know. I feel weird about everything.
When I woke up, It was getting dark. I had to rush to finish at least something today. And so I did! But the goal was to finish more than one thing and then work on personal projects. I don't want to be so tired all the time. I made a burger
It was really good. I was gonna make cucumber pickles but the cucumber had gone bad....had to throw it away. So I made pickled onions and they turned out really good! I have 3 buns and a whole bunch of lettuce left so I'll eat burgers everyday. I used mozzarella but I don't think it's the kind of cheese that goes well in a burger. I'm not gonna buy more cheese than what I already have though. Things are so expensive!! Yesterday I finished my 3rd rewatch of Bojack Horseman and I can definetly say I relate to it way more now. I could finally understand some things that I just didn't think about back when I first watched it like guilt, addiction, trying to change and self-hatred. I definetly relate the most to Diane but I'd be lying if I said I didn't see myself in Bojack sometimes. I think maybe that's the point of the show? Bojack is extremely human as a character and the show tackles this thing I think about a lot, which is "What happens to people who made terrible mistakes and are left to be alone with their guilt?". I have a big fear of doing something horrible and having to live with the guilt forever. I can't forgive myself for certain things and it feels really bad so I can only imagine what it's like if you've made something really really horrible. Because you're not supposed to feel bad for people who have made others suffer, and yet I do. Is this a bad thing?
I fucked up pretty bad today. I forgot about an important friend's birthday. completely forgot. I've been so busy and self-centered that I probably wouldn't have noticed I missed it if he hadn't told me. He said it's fine and that it happens but I know he's upset. I know this kind of stuff is very upsetting to him. He's never forgotten my birthday, not even once. I need to make it up to him somehow. I keep telling myself "from now on I'll be the best person ever. I won't make any mistakes" but it's never enough, even when I make an active effort to be a good friend I still fuck it up like that. I've never had such an active social life and I'm struggling to manage my friend groups. It makes me want to take a break from everyone and just isolate myself for a while. I really need to do better.