December 24th, 2025 - fall downnn...go boom!

I've relapsed in all possible ways. That means I got drunk, and that also means I'm sad, and the worst part of it is that I'm back to thinking about my ex and missing him. Good for nothing yearning. Since my last post, I had been doing really well. I was focused, stable.
Through this I have also completely severed connections with my old friend group. Something I should've done years ago. I blame myself for letting all those bad things happen to me. I let all of that turn into a very poisonous resentment that has been leaking into my dreams and really angry thoughts. I don't like feeling this way. I don't like thinking these things of people. I have a hard time letting go of anything. I wish i could say I don't care what happens to them or what they think about me now. But I do. It makes me angry that they'll never understand how much everything's harmed me.
Ideally, I would erase everything from my mind.
I hope everyone has a good holiday. I'm baking a caramel and chocolate tart for Christmas dinner today. I hope it turns out very tasty.