July 31st, 2025 - Kill Sandman

I have been dreaming about my ex for 3 days in a row!! I think this has finally triggered depression week. Fuck!!!!! It still hurts so much! I wasted all my love in one person and they don't like me back! I don't have any left to give. The years will pass and I'll still be feeling like this! And they won't ever love me again.
Their birthday was on the 28th. I'm sure I'm the last person they wanted to hear from on such a special day. Man it hurts. I miss singing them happy birthday and sending lots of birthday pictures and even buying gifts. What a fucking curse. I wish I never even knew what it's like to love. It's a fucking curse.
Today I will go back to my home in the big city. Classes will start on the 4th. But my mom will be staying there for around a week. This was not what I had in mind...I feel bad for..I feel so bad that I won't even say it!
I wanna go to class. I want to improve. My art kind of sucks right now. I applied for a voluntary art thing at my college and while I do want to get in, getting picked would mean that my art is among the best, which means it's as good as it gets, and THAT means I'll have 0 respect for it. There's gotta be better than this right? Because my art is just not good like that. I feel like I'll get upset no matter what.
At least I'm funny and popular so I've got that going for me. (lie?)